Who is Edna?

I recall how nervous I became as I viewed all of the videos online wondering if I could pull this off. Self doubt is an issue with me onstage, haunting me since High School. I was one of those High School Actors who just had to show up and the part was mine no matter what the show was. I don't think I was ever consumed by it but I do know I KNEW it and never worried about auditions. However I always second guessed me onstage, never allowing any positive reactions to my performance to replace my personal criticisms. "I could have done better", "damn it, I messed up that line", "they are only applauding because they are my friends", etc..become who I was after each show and before the curtain rose for the next one.

Sure enough, for this part, my old "YOU SUCK GHOSTS" found me and took over. My ghosts became the first hurdle as I began to study my lines and hear my attempts at being "Edna Like", whatever that means. Understand the fight I was having with me on exactly how to deliver Edna to the audience was one I had no idea how to fight or win. The hurdle/dilemma for me was fighting my insecurities. Not an easy task at all. Me fighting my ability before we ever hit the stage had become the task instead of developing Edna, which is what it was supposed to be.

I have never enjoyed my voice, no matter what part I have had. I have always hated my sound and for this role, my hatred became hurdle #2. How the hell can I change my tone? How the hell can I even attempt this role with this crappy voice of mine? And so on and so on. I was losing the war before any real battles had begun. My lack of self confidence had taken the first shot in the war with me which left me with no choice but to simply fight back with whatever arsenal I had.

I read, read and read my lines to me in private and repeated them out loud with no one near me. I looked in the bathroom mirror as I repeated my lines so that I could see the expressions. I recorded my lines into this cheap little recorder and played them back so I could hear me. I was bent on making this role, probably my last for some time, my best since Oscar...

Interesting that the first real rehearsal, not the read through, provided me some solace that I was on the right track. The giggles over some of the lines left me feeling I had the right idea while also confirming that the "Edna" words designed to solicit laughter. My confidence took a deep breath...and I felt ready to begin the assault

At first my Edna, I think, was an actor trying to use subtlety as his main focus. Being subtle initially seemed to be the best approach and calmed me. The problem, I realized very early, is that Edna, along with Penny and Wilbur, were the BIG comedic characters in this show and "subtle" was not the best idea I'd ever had. The writers in most shows choose certain roles to carry the show's comedy and dramatic story lines. In this case, comedy is the priority, and 3 characters assigned to shoulder most of the responsibility to deliver the funny lines and actions to the audience needed to not be subtle. So "Subtle Edna" began to evolve into "Funny Edna."

PART III soon...